Return of the Bestial Sexually Slanted Lines

Read it and laugh your hearts out..

More Bestial Sexually Slanted Lines

So what were you and Buster(the dog) doing alone in the woods at THAT time of the night? (As IF we DIDN’T already guessed….)

Here pussy, pussy. Wanna come out and play?

Can I join you in taking Rover out for a walk?

What exactly will we do in a petting zoo, Honey?

Dog damn it!!! I suck!!! I suck!!!

Hot Dogs!!! Get yer Hot Dogs here!!! Large and juicy Hot…..Dogs!!!

Girl: I want a horse for my Birthday!
Dad: What will you do with a horse?
Girl(Pauses for a moment): Ride on it?

Whoa! That elephant is HUGE!

It was a dogday afternoon.

And last but not the least bestial sexually slanted line (drum roll please)….

Fucking horse….!!! He SUCKS!!!!

Here are some pick up line that I thought people like me may use during those nights when you sit in a corner of that bar and pick up humans for a change . I may add a few more soon. So in the meantime, enjoy!

Top Ten Bestial Pick Up Lines:

10. Wanna ride my horse?

9. How would you like to make our animal friends happy?

8. Wanna get in touch with your animal side?

7. I have a big snake for a pet.

6. You have a cat? That’s PURRfect!

5. My horse and I could give you riding lessons.

4. I’ve got THREE animals at home. *nudge, nudge, wink, wink . . .*

3. My doggy can do a lot of tricks.

2. I need help. My love life has gone to the dogs.

And the Number One Bestial Pickup Line IS:

1. You love animals. I love animals. Let’s do it.

Hey! I got ya another one. Enjoy!!!

I cannot bear to see a man of Nowhere
Banging down upon a mare.
When bare of wear he fucks the mare,
Right there I cry, “Forbear!”

I got ya another one!!! Enjoy!!!

Mr. Don owned a monkey.
And Mr. Key owned a unicorn.
Now Don’s monkey owned Key’s unicorn
Before Don own Key,
Which made Key’s down sore.
Had Don suck Key’s unicorn
Before Key sucked Don’s monkey,
Don’s monkey would not have sucked
Key’s unicorn.
So Don’s ‘key sucked Key’s ‘orn.
But it was sad to see Key so sore
Just because Don’s ‘key sucked
Key’s ‘orn!

Ladyhawk, my Ladylove

She was waiting for me. I heard her cries, summoning me to hurry as I walked towards her large cage. I could feel her eyes, tracking me, as I stood just in front of her and wrap an old tattered T-shirt around my hand and forearm. Protection. For me, not her. As the saying goes, it is better to have safe sex than to regret earlier. As I did, during those first few times we paired up together.

I smile as I slowly unlatch the door, knowing that my lady was impatient for her kind. Sure enough, she began crying again, begging me to hurry up. Her need must very great today, I said to myself, trying to calm her down with soft gentle cries of my own.

Upon opening the door, I held out my covered hand toward her and was rewarded with soft cries of greeting as she immediately perched on my hand. I wince inwardly, feeling her sharp claws digging through the fabric and to my skin. Gotta change t-shirt soon, I thought. The cloth was no longer thick enough for our “activities”, but for today, it will have to do.

With my other hand, I latch the cage door close, before leading her to a nearby fountain. I learned that my lady finds the sound of running water relaxing and this would help me in what I have planned for the two of us. Silently, slowly, as not to alarm her, I sat on the fountain’s edge and begin our customary rite of foreplay.

I could feel myself slowly harden as I gently caress her graceful neck and head. The feel of her soft feathers against my skin was very arousing, indeed, and I could tell that she felt the same way too. Her eyes were already half closed and she was making soft cooing sounds of pleasure. She was very still, her wings drooping slightly, and her grip on my hand tightens, waiting for me to make the first move. As always.

I stop teasing her and decide to get down to business. Slowly I reach under her tail with my other hand and run a nail over her hole. This startles her, and for a moment, I freeze, hoping that she will not suddenly turn on me and make me lose an eye or two. Last time she did it, I ended up having a large gash on my cheek and I have no wish it of it happening again.

She seemed willing this time and immediately spins around, her tail facing me, and I bring her back towards me. Gently I raise my head up and kiss her hole, feeling the point of two end bones under her tail with my lips, and with my tongue I wet, the soft feathers surrounding it. I know that she is very delicate so I try to be gentle with my lady as I can.

She is easily pleased and she lifts her tail up and pushed it desperately against my face. I grin and tease her hole with my tongue. She screeches, flaps her wings, and comes to my mouth. Then I sucked gently, and with another cry and flap of her wings, she came again. I have always found her cum to be very arousing, so I sucked her repeatedly, enjoying her cries as she came again and again to my mouth.

After a few minutes, I lowered my hand and let her land beside me at the fountain’s edge. I was so horny and I wanted to cum while pleasuring my lady. So, I zipped my fly and lowered my pants, knowing that she was watching my every move. I glance at my lady, give her teasing grin, before reaching under my boxers and grabbing my rock hard cock, and began jerking off. It did not take long before I was shooting cum all over the ground.

I do not know how long I’ve sat back there into some sort of sexual daze, with a puddle of cum at my feet. But I quickly snapped out of it when sharp claws dug into my skin, followed by something gently landing on my chest. Startled, I opened my eyes. It was her, my ladylove, and she was staring at me with her razor sharp beak so close to my face. This is it, I thought. I’ll have to give up an eye or two as payment for our forbidden love. I closed my eyes hoping that she be merciful and make it quick. I was surprised when I felt her beak work its way to my short and often messy hair. I opened my eyes and stared at her. She…was preening me? To my knowledge, hawks only preen another hawk when it has accepted the latter as its lifelong mate. So, has she finally accepted me?

She must have read my mind and she stops and brushes her head against my cheek. Yes, she has accepted me. And I whisper her name.

Ladyhawk. My ladylove…

the End.

Signs That Your Girlfriend Doesn’t Understand You’re into Animal Sex

10: She wonders why you keep on taking her to petting zoo during dates.

9: She wonders why you spend more time with Lassie, your dog, you do on her.

8: You spend countless hours trying to convince her that being a bitch is not necessarily a bad thing.

7: You find yourself saying, “Come on over, Beast Wars just finished.”

6: “No, No honey, I wasn’t being unfaithful. When I said I had pussies for company, I meant REAL pussies. No! I MEAN CATS! No Honey! I am NOT gay! I meant REAL cats! Animals! Honey? Come back…please?”

5: You tell her you that your dog sleeps with you in your room without mentioning that the two of you do more than just sleep.

4: After having a fight, your sent her a poem. Unfortunately, you copied it from this site.

3: She doesn’t like going into your room because she feels that all of your pets are staring at her.

2: You find yourself forever explaining to her that , ME: Animals You: Shoes

And the number one sign that your Girlfriend doesn’t understand you’re into Animal Sex……

1. You tell her that you want to do it doggy style and she says, “Why did you bring that damn dog with you?”

And here’s another one for you to enjoy!!!!

A bitter bitching bitch
Bitched a biting broken stud,
And the bitched broken stud
Bitched the bitcher bitch back.
And the bitter bitch, bitched,
By the broken bitched stud,
Said: “I’m a bitter bitched bitch, alack!”